The sun had gone down and I had eaten dinner alone and cleaned up the kitchen. I prepared for bed and decided to lie down, but found myself unable to sleep and stared at the ceiling. There are few things in life more enthralling than staring at a ceiling. One of which just so happens to be watching paint dry. My, what exciting lives the average human leads. But I'm not really an average human, I am?
I tried to work through and process all of the new information I had received that day, but it really didn't work that well. I just ended up with a major headache.
"So do you have any ideas for getting Daerin out of the mirror?" Mink asked as he flew in through the window. I desperately needed screens. He sat down on top of my alarm clock on my bedside table and looked up at me expectantly.
"I don't know what month it is," I said, "What makes you think I know how to get a guy out of a mirror?
Mink shrugged, "I just figured that since you were so eager to learn about the Prophecies and stuff that you would have researched it."
"What? Research the mirror? How do you do research a mirror?" I asked indignantly. I wasn't some freaking genius, "All I know is the damn thing looked old and was made of wood."
At that moment, the small blue sprite seemed to light up, "Gavin!"
"Who's Gavin?" I asked in confusion?
Smiling brighter than I had ever seen him smile before, Mink replied, "He's a tree pixie. He knows everything about wood and stuff like that. He could help you."
It sounded like a good enough idea. I mean, what harm could it do? "How do we get him here?" I asked.
"We have to Call him," Mink explained, "All children of Valif stay in his realm unless Called by one who is not a child of Valif. Children are not allowed to Call other children or else the balance would be lost because all of the children would be together in one realm. We're very social beings."
"Then why doesn't Riki like pixies very much?" I asked, remembering the distaste the fire sprite had in his voice when they were explaining the difference between the children. He had sounded like the word pixie itself was horrible.
Mink looked hesitant and his cheeks were flushed a light fuchsia, "Gavin and I were... a little closer than friends when we were together in the Realm of Valif. After their wedding, Tink and Rik both came here to serve Clairith. I told Tink of Gavin and I's relationship because I thought that she would be ok with it. She told Rik and he freaked out, saying that 'gays' were wrong and disgusting and things like that, plus he never liked pixies in the first place because one impregnated his sister then was Called and was never heard from again. He had Clairith Call me and I haven't seen Gavin since."
"How long has it been?" I asked, knowing that it would probably hurt to be separated from someone you cared about. I've never known what that felt like because I've never really cared about anyone, but I know it must hurt.
"Thirty-seven years now."
In that moment, I sympathized with Mink so much that my heart ached. What would that be like, to love someone so much and then be taken away from them? What would it be like to love someone? I've never felt that before either. The pain I had felt in my heart went numb and I could feel myself hardening with jealousy. That I was jealous of Mink made me ashamed and the fact that I was ashamed of something like that made me angry. None of this was real good for Mink.
"I'll think about it in the morning," I said, my voice somewhat cold, but not icy. Mink nodded and flew off as I shut the window. Sleep seemed to evade me for several hours.
~*
It was 3 am when I woke up. I don't know why I woke up at this time, but once I was awake, I wasn't able to get back to sleep. This annoyed me very much. I decided to just get up so I went and took a shower. My highlights were fading and looked a sickening snot-green. I wrinkled my nose. Quickly pulling on a pair of navy boxers, I dug around in my wardrobe and found a shirt I had augmented myself. It had started off as a plain black t-shirt, but then I took a long-sleeved cerulean shirt and had cut off the sleeves and attached them to the black shirt and then cut random shapes out of the black t-shirt and replaced the fabric with that from the other shirt.
As if you can't tell, I have a small thing for clothing design. Hardly any of my clothes have been left unchanged from the way I bought them. I pulled on a pair of jeans that had been mutilated with a razor then sewn back together with metallic black thread, fastened with safety pins (the biggest ones I could find) and patched with patches that said things like "I heart Punk Boys" and "Norma Jean". They were tight and showed off my legs that seemed as long as I wanted them to be.
I fed the horses and the cows, but not the dogs because I was pissed off at them and headed down to the Chamber of Daiven, remembering to take a flashlight and walk very slowly this time. The mirror was waiting for me.
The mirror looked just like any other mirror in my mind. It showed me a reflection I didn't like and seemed to laugh at me as I pouted slightly and ran a hand through my still slightly damp hair. I slowly poked the mirror.
Rippling like water once more, Daerin appeared. He looked at me curiously.
"No sprites?" he asked mockingly. I glared at him.
"They're sleeping."
He scoffed, "You made it all of the way down here by yourself? I'm so impressed."
"If the mirror is broken, can you still get out of it?" I asked, feigning innocence. I had found a few books on mirrors that told me the answer to my own question the previous day, but nothing really specific like how to get him out. It had said that it was different for each mirror. That didn't really help me much.
Daerin glared at me, "So the little girl has some bite to her, does she?"
"Fuck you," I replied, "I'll figure out the stupid Mo'kurei thing on my own. You can rot for all I care."
"Do you care?" Daerin asked just as I had turned away, "Have you ever cared? About anything that was supposed to matter?"
No. Nothing ever seemed to matter to me. I never really cared about anything. Grades were pointless, family was mediocre, and physical possessions were just that. Possessions. They could easily be replaced so why bother caring about them? What bothered me now was how did he know I felt this way?
"It's in the prophecies, you know." Daerin looked smug and I wanted to hit him more than I had ever wanted to hit anyone before, but I some how refrained myself, "They tell us all about you. How your mind works. You're depressed and lonely and it feels like nothing matters because nothing does and you know it. Everything is going to die and go away and there's nothing you can do so why bother? Everything dies. Death and decay are inevitable. Why bother caring when you'll just get hurt? But it hurts anyway, doesn't it? The loneliness. The emptiness. You desperately want to feel any emotion, be it pain or fear or anger. But not love. You've never felt and you never will because no one would ever want to love the boy that destroyed the entire Realm of Iehova. Isn't that right?"
I hugged myself, wanting the cold to go away. I was cold and alone except for the stupid guy in the mirror that made the want to kill myself grow and grow. He was snickering while I had every thought that had been subconsciously going through my mind my entire life mocked and made fun of.
"Shut up," I whispered then screamed, "Shut UP! I DON'T CARE! I DON'T NEED IT! I'LL NEVER NEED IT! I GET IT! I'M ALONE! I KNOW! IT HURTS, OK? DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE TO LAUGH AT ME? STOP LAUGHING AT ME!"
The air was swirling around my feet again and I noticed it this time, but I didn't care. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. The world was going to end and it was my fault. So what? Fuck the world. I want it dead and I want to be dead with it.
"Is it worth it?" Daerin asked softly, "Feeling so much pain is better than feeling nothing, isn't it?"
"Fuck you," I muttered as I turned around to leave then turned to look at him once more, "Just... FUCK YOU!!"
And I ran.
~*
It was 8 o'clock when I next looked at the clock. I was curled up in a ball on the floor in my closet, crying like I had never cried before. It wasn't just the things he said, but how vulnerable it made me feel that he had never met me before and he voiced the thoughts and emotions I had kept hidden deep inside for so long like it didn't matter. He didn't care. I wanted him to care, though. It was stupid of me. I was so stupid.
"Sebastian?"
Mink was looking for me. I didn't really want him to find me, but I knew I wouldn't start feeling better for a while and wiped the tears from my face, "What?"
He flew in and gave me a curious look, "Are you alright?" His voice made it sound as though he cared.
"No," I replied, "But it doesn't matter. Let's get your boyfriend and see what he can help us with."
Daerin knew stuff and I wanted to know what it was. Then I would kill him after he told me everything.
"What's wrong?" asked Mink as I stood up and wiped my face once more. My limbs were cramped and ached as I moved them.
"Nothing," I replied and walked out of the closet, "What do I have to do to call this guy?"
Mink flew after me as I walked down the stairs and sat on my shoulder, "Well, Gavin is a tree pixie so you will need a part of a tree like a seed or a small branch or something. After you get that we'll need to go down to the Under Halls and find the Chamber of Valif."
"I can do that."
It wasn't that hard. I found a nut of some kind on the ground as soon as I exited the house then headed over to the shed. The door to the staircase opened quietly and I headed down there. I wanted to go back to sleep. Everything hurt, mostly my head. I wanted all of this to just be over.
He led me to another chamber in the underground that had brick walls made of hundreds of different colors. Well, maybe not hundreds, but it was a whole hell of a lot. Mink flew over to a bookcase full of jars and grabbed one with green, powdery stuff in it that sparkled in the light.
"What the hell is this stuff?" I asked as I placed the seed in the center of a tall round table, four feet tall and a foot and a half in diameter on the top. He handed me the jar and said, "It is pixie dust."
I think he could tell that I thought it was bullshit by the expression on my face and he sighed exasperatedly, "You sprinkle it around the seed and a little on top of it."
I shrugged and did what he said; figuring that he knew what he was talking about. The stuff shimmered like the arm of a girl wearing too much body glitter at a rave. Mmmm... Acid... How I miss you, my love...
Now Mink was giving me an annoyed look because I was staring off at the wall with a mirthful, glazed look. At least I think I was. Yeah, I was a druggie. Got a problem with it? Everyone has their weaknesses and mine was the desire to be numb. It never worked. They just left me feeling hollower than I had started.
"Now you go get that book over there," Mink said, pointing at a book at the bottom of the case that had to be over a foot tall and over four inches thick. I glared at him, sick of being bossed around.
"You go get it," I said. I was acting like a total teenage Avril fan. I wished that he would have killed me in that moment, but he just got this little defeated look on his face and whispered, "It's too heavy for me to carry."
I went over and got it then returned to where Mink was floating over the round tabletop. I held the book as he flew over and struggled to open the front cover then began flipping pages.
"There," said Mink, looking down at writing that was in English, but most definitely not English, "You have to read this. It's written in your phonics because it is forbidden that humans read the language of Valif. It's written phonically, so go to it."
I licked my lips. The room was slightly dark, illuminated by sparse torches around the small chamber. I squinted and began reading, "Liak? Normra kilakale nor akre. Istal oraiy. Monatobli akinastobla."
As I spoke, the powder on the seed wrapped around it, covered it. It began hovering slightly and the other powder began to whirl and spin like a tornado rising from the ground, but instead of forming a funnel, it formed a tight sphere around the seed with the dust flying around at speeds that I couldn't begin to guess at. I was very over-whelmed, but things weren't shocking me much after the past few days I've had. I continued reading.
"Tyulia ke manoslre itk swamun. Chkitwa normra istal oraiy. Gestull itk kitakale. Mornasfre."
With that the sphere burst and a small person with dragonfly wings and green flesh was revealed, curled into a fetal position, suspended in the air.
The figure slowly uncurled, wearing a green tunic and green leggings. His eyes opened, revealing glowing green irises that quickly began to dim. His hair was tousled, also green. I began to wonder how boring your life would be if your entire was one color and your clothing was one color and nothing ever changed color. It made me really want to go out and dye my hair.
"Gavin?" Mink's voice was quiet, but it rang out in the silent chamber. Gavin uncurled and stood on his feet, shaking his limbs and cracking his joints. He was about a foot taller, much taller than Mink or even Rik, but he was thinner, lither than Rik was. He looked at Mink with his large, hunter green eyes and smiled, "Mink," he said softly, his voice sounding somewhat hoarse.
Mink flew over to him as fast as fast as his wings would take him and threw himself into Gavin's arms. It was one of those warm, heartening scenes that made me want to puke. So I left. I had never felt emptier in my life then I did in those few moments.
To Be Continued...